When we listen, especially to someone who is dissatisfied or disengaged, we will sometimes hear feedback or thoughts that are charged with strong emotion.

We MUST validate the feelings that are present and work to understand where they derive from if we are to make any progress or find any real solution.

In this validation, I’ve found success removing the emotion from the issue once it has been presented, understood, and validated. If I do not filter the emotion, I will let it affect me towards unnecessary urgency or stress.

In filtering, I allow clarity to exist and the most integral decision can be made.

When we go to someone and meet them where they are there is a right to earn. A right that we as the ones entering the others space, and accepting them as they are, must earn with trust, respect, proven success…

This right is not given because our cause of exiting our own environment and entering another is noble. It does not work that way.

We must still earn the ability to exist with them.

For some this will be immediately earned, for others and most, it will require continuing to go back to that space, with repeated actions, new avenues, and a good deal of time.

Either way, we cannot go expecting the other to give us the right. The success cannot be based on the outcome of having the right. If so, we are missing the whole point of meeting people where they are.

How freeing is it when someone comes to your space, is present and asks nothing of you but yourself, as you are?

When the dishes are in the sink and you can have a conversation across the counter without the other thinking anything of it…When the stresses of the job give you angst and you ramble on while the other just listens and helps you calmly think through the process…

I want to give more people these moments and set others up to give others and myself these sorts of moments.

I saw Dashboard Confessional last night in Concert and this new song was performed.

The song demonstrates the power of allowing another and you yourself existing wholly as is. We want this. We want others to exist with us this way. However, often we want the other to start. I often do not want to initiate but when we do, the other is so thankful for it.

Take the step towards integrity and be the first to let your heart beat here. Drive your stakes into the place most dear.

There is something about this phrase that resonates deeply with me.

When you allow the other to exist as they are and go there to interact. Not to change them but to interact.

Sometimes a mutual exchange other times not.

There is integrity in this. Each parties are able to be wholly themselves. This is definitely an art and requires much reflection to understand.

Time is a powerful tool. It keeps us accountable, honest, effective, and at times, sane.

The tool of time gives me endpoints, helps me say ‘no’, inspires me towards a goal, organizes my thoughts, ideas, actions…

Time can help us live a story in the bounds of integrity.

When time has more negative affects, we should re-evaluate how we encounter time and how we manage the reign it has over our lives.

Especially when working with people who think differently, have another perspective, different experiences, we should present our ideas with an attitude of “Take What Sticks”.

When pitching or teaching new ideas, the group has incredibly different launching points from us and from each other. We should be motivated not that everyone embraces this new idea as we do but that they would take what sticks and use it for themselves.

I’ve seen success with this but take from it what sticks for you.

The most whole or true path will likely not be the most efficient or productive. Therefore we should leave ourselves and others room or space to generate the most integrity driven product, plan, outcome…

We need time to set up the most whole training plan…money to buy the best fitting product…energy to put towards the most important parts of life…

Often the quickest exchange does not produce the most integral outcome.

Choosing the most whole path can be difficult when there is resistance ahead.

Often for me, the most difficult resistance is my own pride.

I want to choose myself and my own ideas rather than accept that another route is the more true.

The more I do this, the easier it gets. I start to tell myself fuller truths such as, “It isn’t necessary for all to see you in the light you wish…I need others to make this decisions…My perspective is not complete…”

Where is integrity, the truest, most whole, when two or more sides are backed with confidence?

How do we determine the truest path?

Integrity, in these moments, is less about the outcome and more about the process. We must be true to hear the others and true to stand for us.

The outcome will not end in both being right and maybe it will end with both sides thinking theirs is right but integrity can still exist without agreement.

Often I can tell if I’m experiencing integrity in these moments or not. Sometimes I choose my pride over integrity and other time humility comes through the desire for integrity.

Many of these thoughts are from reflection on the Patagonia produced movie, Jumbo Wild.