Our beliefs or paradigms shape how we see reality.
We should work to get better at the following:
1. Understanding our own and others current beliefs
2. Clarifying beliefs of progress or success
3. Find ways to connect current beliefs to path ahead OR grow ability to help people adopt effective beliefs
Inspired by this idea from Harvard Business a Review Article on Promoting Racial Equality in the Workplace.
Stress we might feel. Frustration buried under the surface. Worry simmering around the corner.
These all hold us back from the freedom of good work and joy of a grateful life.
Of course stress, anger, and caution can motivate is to work effectively…
…but I’m talking about the stress keeping you in the office through dinner, the frustration that comes out on those you love, the worry causing you to check your work email when you can’t sleep at 1am.
Build a rhythm to address the emotional root cause. Addressing that will help separate from work or tasks through the day and lead to the life we really want.
I use mindfulness exercises, physical exercise, and journaling but you should find a rhythm that works for you. Only you can do it and I think we each must do it.
Often we think charisma equals leadership and leadership equals charisma.
This leads us down a narrow and ineffective path.
Leadership could or could not demonstrate charisma.
Be sure you recognize moments where charisma is needed and when leadership is needed. They may overlap but often they are distinct.
Of course our day’s are more than just a single thing.
I’ve found freedom and success doing just one thing at a time.
If it’s developing a training, I do just that for a time period.
If it’s watering the garden, I don’t worry about what’s next.
If it’s reading a necessary book, I do that and nothing else.
To keep it all straight, make a list. Pick one thing on that list. Set a goal and a time. And do one thing.
My most commonly used app right now is my timer app on my phone. “Hey Siri, set a timer for 15 minutes….34 minutes…3 minutes…
This lets me focus on that one thing because I know my phone will tell me when it’s time for something else.
My goal for that time, reading a certain number of pages, making it to a certain milestone in a project, knocking out all the dishes…this helps ensure it’s productive. When I don’t meet the goal, I set the timer longer or it is what it is for the moment.
List. Goal. Time. This has helped me with mindfulness…being focused and aware simultaneously.
Most of our interactions are best as two way streets.
This does not mean both sides need equal amounts of traffic.
Simply recognizing and remembering that all interactions can be two way streets is a good start. If you acknowledge this, you will look for the traffic coming the other direction.
You may notice the body language or subtle comment someone makes or set up a moment for questions or comments to be added.
The more we build our connections to be two way streets, the better we will be.
It is one thing to know your audience.
It’s another to pick and curate your audience.
Set up the right expectations
Invite the right people
Make clear the purpose of your training, meeting, event, relationship
Just knowing your audience helps you adapt but inevitably you’ll be shifted away from who you are into who your audience needs you to be.
Better is to find an audience that wants who you are and curate towards them.
You can maintain your authenticity while serving people wholly.
I grabbed a Chicago Dog from one my local favorites, Fat Dan’s.
I did carry out as I was running errands and this is what I found on my bag:
I imagine Fat Dan’s is doing little sayings on their bags and this one was perfect.
I realized most days it’s up to us if we have time. And today I got time.
When I’m driving and someone cuts me off, I often honk and yell at them so they know what they did was wrong to me!
I may even speed alongside them and pass them to prove that I was wronged and take my control back.
I’ve even justified to my family that I honk at them because they need to know what they did was wrong!
What I’m missing is that in those moments, the people in the car with me (whom I always care about more than the person who cut me off) will likely feel unsafe or uncomfortable when I do this.
I’m so focused on justifying what was done in the past that I’m jeopardizing my future.
We may do this with our work and relationships at work.
Someone sees a situation a certain way and we defensively refute the situation from our perspective. All the while pushing that person and others away from us.
Instead, how do you take what comes your way and mindfully proceed considering all those invovled.
This takes a lot of humility and awareness. Be sure your rhythms set you up to be in a humble and aware state.
Less defensiveness. More fact finding.
Less self protection. More sacrifice.
If I had more awareness I could have….
Fill in the blank for whatever you want.
For me it is:
…not gotten so frustrated about something so small.
…realized someone needed something else.
…seen the connection between what they said and what someone else referenced.
…done the work that mattered most instead of simply what was in front of me.
How do we get this added insight?
There’s no shortcut. We must make time for it.
For me the most powerful and time effective solution is a journal keeping rhythm.
As with any rhythm of mine, it is not about doing the same thing every single day but valuing the practice enough that I have a rhythm of engagement.
For example, I did not journal at all this past weekend but this morning, I jotted down a few ideas I had over the weekend. This afternoon as with most afternoons this week I will spend at least 15 minutes writing in my journal. Sometimes I pick it up in the middle of the day or print out a picture I like and paste it in.
It felt more like a routine at first. I found value in it enough that it showed up more regularly and was actually a rhythm.
There was a piece of conquering my will when first trying out but eventually it was purely something the deeper parts of myself were drawn to.
Keep a journal. If it serves you well. If it doesn’t find another rhythm that helps you build insight and awareness. If each of us were a tad more aware, we’d all be better off.
Inspired by this added push to journal keeping by Harvard Business Review Article I came across. It gives a few good steps to try to get started as well as a few ‘trigger questions.’ More of my posts on journal found here…I tend to write about it a lot because it’s truly been valuable to me.
Austin Kleon says “what the virus really destroys is our sense of time. Days feel like weeks. Months feel like seconds.”
I agree that the routine, being restricted, feeling on edge often has removed my normal sense of time.
As I proceed, I’m going to be paying more attention to my body and the environment around me to notice things passing.
Rather than a click of a watch, I’ll listen for my heartbeat or a pace of breathing.
Rather than waiting for an computer reminder for a late morning meeting, I’ll look for the sun to stop shoning directly into my East facing office window.
Rather than look at the clock to find when to start making dinner, I’ll simply make dinner after an evening walk with the dogs.
These are less about routine and more about rhythm. Rhythm can change structure and tempo.
There is still familiarity in rhythm even if it switches around.
Check out Weather Report’s Birdland. One of my favorite jazz songs as it varies throughout the track yet carries with it a familiar and predictable return to its rhythm.
Beware the illusion of time. Do what matters. Be you.
And sometimes we just need a beat between songs. Take time to buck the routine and get in touch with your own rhythm. Take a break.
phil invites 