Service Focused Communication For All

When we say things we often want to be authentic. Vulnerable. Real. True.

This is noble and ideal. We should show up and offer ourselves as we are.

It is also only half the equation of an interaction. It doesn’t necessarily look at the other parties in the conversation. How they receive the communication, what they hear, what they need.

We should shoot for authentic and valuable.

When something is authentic but not valuable to the other person we are just adding unnecessary noise to their life. Maybe we should consider not saying that authentic non-valuable thing.

When something is valuable but not authentic, we tip the scale towards unethical or manipulative. Sometimes we need to say something simply valuable to move the relationship onward but only if it’s for the best of both parties.

Being real, authentic, and adding value is the sweet spot.

This requires we consider the other. Think of the other person. Be service oriented. And that requires we take care of ourselves ahead of time.

Coaching: Helping Someone Solve Their Problem

Key word here: THEIR

Successful coaching is not about telling someone your view of what could be better or giving someone steps to follow. It’s about the person being coached.

They may have an idea of what better looks like. They may ask for your help in defining better. You may have to do some “marketing” to help them see and in turn own the better.

We can use stories, status roles, creating and relieving tension, build culture to help someone adopt and enroll in a journey.

This marketing is not about a website or a logo. It’s about designing the coaching experience for the coachee and helping them solve THEIR problem.

These ideas all are elaborated on in Seth Godin’s This is Marketing. I love the “table of contents” in image below!

Not Perfect, But Perpetual

All things have the possibility to fail.

I’ve learned that the earlier I recognize all things could fail, the better I do at managing along the way.

As we realize something could fail, emotions arise and threaten well-being and even possible success.

For example…If I’m working on a project and talk with a key stakeholder and realize the task has been attempted in the past without success. There is value in information about why it failed before but actually the main piece sticking out to me is realizing that I may fail.

When I recognize the possibility of failure early on, I buffer those strong emotions from clouding my judgement and ultimately my success.

True success is less about being perfect and more about being perpetual.

Less stress and worry. More grit and determination.

Often we know the next right thing to do. Often we are supported.

Let’s work to acknowledge possible failure early so we can buffer that fear as we go.

Find Value In Each Interaction

If you’re like me, the COVID-19 pandemic has taught you some lessons with experience.

I’ve had less and less interactions with people. I’ve noticed myself leaning into interactions with more enrollment and joy. Because it’s somewhat scarce.

This new normal is teaching me to find value in each interaction I have. I am now thinking how much value did I miss in interactions when I had even more each day. Going forward I’ll be leaning into each interaction.

Processing Critique

Feedback is so important developing yourself, relationships, and being effective. It’s essential for all three parts of my coaching framework.

Often we must intentionally open ourselves up for feedback. Ask specifically how you’re doing. Build a rhythm of critique and feedback. But also be ready to hear it.

I find a healthy way to hear feedback is to listen to someone else so you can then listen to yourself.

Not solely about someone else’s opinion but what that opinion causes in you.

Respond from who you are in the end. Of course you first need to get to know yourself but if you know yourself, you can hear feedback and then hear yourself.

Idea came from John Maeda and Becky Bermont’s book Redesigning Leadership

Innovate Inside of Relationships

Some people will appreciate the simply ship it attitude. The innovative spirit. The churn and refine. Those people need you to respond with clarity and vision. From me, those people need me to come prepared with succinct yet exciting engagement.

A second group of people will deeply loath the roll the dice, innovative spirit. They want process as usual. Only give me what I ask for. Top down control and oversight. From me, these people need me to come with specifics and clarity. I must do my homework and try to stretch their thinking a little but overall build trust from consistent reliability.

One common theme is that both these groups of people need me to be well prepared. I am an Eagle Scout and from my time in the Boy Scouts, I engrained the motto, “Be prepared.” Recognizing someone’s disposition and coming prepared to speak to that narrative. The narrative and stories we tell ourselves are reality not what we want people to be telling themselves.

While it is important to appeal and curate towards your audience, it is also important to curate your audience. Find people that value what I have to offer and go after them. Realize that what I have to offer is not for everyone. While also trying to stretch that circle of people little by little. Being a little bit of an evangelist for ideas and innovation while also going after the right people.

Overall, I hope to be more prepared and thoughtful in my relationships. Take risks to stretch a person’s perspective and when I do plan to stretch their thinking, I will come well prepared. Because that doesn’t happen with off the cuff interactions. I will also prepare by being thoughtful to realize those whom I can have the most impact. I must clarify who I am and understand who specifically will value and benefit from that.

I have distilled a personal life theme…”Invoking people’s truest selves.” What I must do is come prepared to offer that theme to others while also curating the right people to bring myself to.

This idea came after watching Guy Kawasaki’s TED Talk on the Art of Innovation

Problem with Authenticity

Being authentic is all about me. You. Individual.

Sure we want to be real, true, but also we cannot live in a space all about us all the time.

We need to also show up as a professional.

Serving those around us.

Start with authenticity to find yourself but know we also must show up for other people.

At least that’s the life I’m looking to live. One of a professional. One of service. One of love.

Seth Godin talks about this idea a lot. His episode on Akimbo (Episode “Industry and it’s disconnects” at 24:22 time) talks about it at the end in Q/A segment which sparked my thinking on it.

Belief, Not Reality Determine Response

Our beliefs or paradigms shape how we see reality.

We should work to get better at the following:

1. Understanding our own and others current beliefs

2. Clarifying beliefs of progress or success

3. Find ways to connect current beliefs to path ahead OR grow ability to help people adopt effective beliefs

Inspired by this idea from Harvard Business a Review Article on Promoting Racial Equality in the Workplace.

Address the Emotional Root Cause

Stress we might feel. Frustration buried under the surface. Worry simmering around the corner.

These all hold us back from the freedom of good work and joy of a grateful life.

Of course stress, anger, and caution can motivate is to work effectively…

…but I’m talking about the stress keeping you in the office through dinner, the frustration that comes out on those you love, the worry causing you to check your work email when you can’t sleep at 1am.

Build a rhythm to address the emotional root cause. Addressing that will help separate from work or tasks through the day and lead to the life we really want.

I use mindfulness exercises, physical exercise, and journaling but you should find a rhythm that works for you. Only you can do it and I think we each must do it.