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How to be an Antiracist Book Reading Plan

Ibram X. Kendi’s book, How to be an Antiracist, has shown me new insight of the racist policies of the society I am a member of as well as the racist ideas and behaviors I exude at times.

Racism feels like such a dangerous, scary word. It is a hazardous system and it is highly ingrained into our society. This book helped me see racism for what it is and how racism functions in society and at times, through me.
I would not have a good definition for racism or antiracism before reading this book.
I understand from this book there is no neutral party in racial inequality. You cannot be between justice and injustice, equality and inequality. Ibram X. Kendi, powerfully breaks down how racism shows up around us and how we can strive towards antiracism

I’ll be generating a reading plan for the book with questions to process during and after each chapter. This post will be updated as I add other chapters and questions.

Ibram X. Kendi shares an overview of the topics discussed in his book at a Berkeley Othering and Belonging Institute event. I highly recommend spending the ~35 minutes listening (6:00-43:30 in video) to him talk through key principles outlined deeper in the book. Specifically him dissecting why we should recognize ourselves as racist.

Before Reading:

  1. What was your first memory recognizing the difference in race?
  2. How would you define “racism”? And “Racist”?
  3. Do you see yourself as a racist? Explain briefly

Read Chapter 1: Definitions

  1. What aspects of Ibram Kendi’s definition of racist aligned with your previous description?
  2. What aspects of Ibram Kendi’s definition of racist WAS NOT aligned with your previous description?
  3. What aspects of the definition of antiracist seem WITHIN REACH? For you? For our society?
  4. What aspects of the definition of antiracist seem DISTANT and OUT OF REACH? For you? For our society?
  5. Close by reading this, from page 22, together and let the weight sit with 2 minutes of silence and individual thought: “We can knowingly strive to be an antiracist. Like fighting an addition, being an antiracist requires persistent self-awareness, constant self-criticism, and regular self-examination.”

Read Chapter 2: Dueling Consciousness

  1. On page 27, “Americans have long been trained to see deficiencies of people rather than policy.” What assimilationist assumptions do you make which live off this idea that its people’s responsibility, not the system they are in?
    • “Assimilationist = One who is expressing the racist idea that a racial group is culturally or behaviorally inferior and is supporting cultural or behavioral encroachment programs to develop that racial group”, Page 24
  2. Put this phrase from page 33 in your own words: “The White body no longer presents itself as the American body; the Black body no longer strives to be the American body, knowing there is no such thing as the American body, only American bodies, racialized by power.”
  3. What else stuck out to you from this chapter?

Read Chapter 3: Power

  1. Where do you notice or see “racial power creating racist policies out of raw self-interest” (Page 42) in our country, your city, your own home?
    • Know that a policy can be as large as a law and as localized as a rhythm or practice we partake in
    • List out the driving self interest for each of your noticings.
  2. What is one self-interest you can de-prioritize to promote the benefit of others?
    • Or what self-interest can you point out and ask others to de-prioritize? 

Read Chapter 4: Biology

  1. What racial “microaggressions” do you experience or partake in most days? (Page 46; Microaggression = “Brief, everyday exchanges tha send denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group membership”)
    • Recognize and accept either by writing or verbally explaining how each of these racial “microaggressions” are actually racial abuse.
  2. What do you see which makes you think we are in a “post-racial” world? (Page 53)
  3. Explain in your own words why stopping to identify by race, the route of assimilationist, is not enough. (Page 53)

Read Chapter 5: Ethnicity

  1. What narratives do you imagine show up in someone when they are consistently asked “Where are you from?” (Page 62)
  2. What are examples of anti-racism when considering ethnicity? Definition of ethnic antiracism on page 63-64: “To be antiracist is to view national and transnational ethnic groups as equal in all their differences. To be antiracist is to challenge the racist policies that plague racialized ethnic groups across the world. To be antiracist is to view the inequities between all racialized ethnic groups as a problem of policy.”

Read Chapter 6: Body

  1. “What could happen based on my deepest fears mattered more than what did happen to me. I believed violence was stalking me – but in truth I was being stalked inside my own head of racist ideas.” (Page 72) What fears show up for you regarding the bodies of Black people or physical presence of Black people? What memories arise when you consider those fears?
    • “…our stories center on violent Black bodies instead of the overwhelming majority of nonviolent Black bodies.” (Page 77)
  2. What narrative would build in you if you were constantly told it was your responsibility to calm fears of violent cops? “Black people are apparently responsible for calming the fears of violent cops in the way women are supposedly responsible for calming the sexual desires of male rapists. If we don’t, then we are blamed for our own assaults, our own deaths.” (Page 76)
  3. How can you move towards an antiracist position? (Page 79)
    • Segregationist: “Black neighborhoods are war zones and need tough policing and mass incarceration of super-predators.”
    • Assimilationist: “Super-predators need tough laws and tough love from mentors and fathers to civilize them back to nonviolence”
    • Antiracist: “Black people, like all people, need more higher-paying jobs within their reach.”

Read Chapter 7: Culture

  1. What cultural standards and hierarchy do you notice around you?
    • “Whoever makes the cultural standard makes the cultural hierarchy. The act of making a cultural standard and hierarchy is what creates cultural racism.” (Page 83)
  2. What are aspects of your own culture which you cannot imagine doing without?
  3. “All cultures must be judged in relation to their own history, and all individuals and groups in relations to their cultural history, and definitely not by the arbitrary standard of any single culture.” (Page 90)

Read Chapter 8: Behavior

  1.  Think of examples of behavioral racism. What must you do to oppose those both in yourself and in your environment?
  2. Where have you potentially benefited from oppression due to behavioral racism?
    • Assimilationist: oppression has degraded the behavior of oppressed people (Page 96)
    • Antiracist: deracialize behavior. Behavior is something people do, not races do. (Page 105)

Read Chapter 9: Color

  1. How would you define beauty?
  2. Consider this concept and how could you adjust your definition of beauty?
    • “To be antiracist is to build and live in a beauty culture that accentuates instead of erases our natural beauty.” (Page 113)

Read Chapter 10: White

  1. What policies or systems can you think of which are equitable and antiracist while also benefiting ordinary White people?
    • “…ordinary White people benefit from racist policies, though not nearly as much as racist power and not nearly as much as they could from equitable society.” (Page 129)
  2. Consider the most unjust or inequitable systems in our society. Who benefits the most from these policies or systems? (be specific about the systems and the people)
    • “Racist power, hoarding wealth and resources, has the most to lose in the building of an equitable society.” (Page 129)
  3. What policies or practices do you notice often deemed as racist against White people?
    • How does this quote frame or re-frame that policy or practice? “…they (White racists) define policies not rigged for White people as racist.” (Page 130)

Read Chapter 11: Black

  1. What shift is needed for you to remove racialized negative behavior in your own perspective? If tough to think of this, consider what racialized negative behavior you hold in your perspective? (Page 137-138)
  2. How do you connect these two ideas: Powerless defense shield (page 139, 140) and assimilation (page 142)

Chapters 12-18 to come as they are ready…

Listen more to Ibram X. Kendi at any of these podcasts. Unlocking Us, Armchair Expert

Check out Ibram X. Kendi’s reading list suggestions

2 Reasons We Incorrectly Believe Empathy Means Agreement

Often I have thought that in order to empathize with someone, I must also agree with them. I realize now, it just takes more work to empathize with someone you don’t agree with.

Theresa Wiseman’s research describes empathy as four fold:

  1. See the world as others see it
  2. Understand another’s current feelings
  3. Non-judgmental or suspend judgement
  4. Communicate the understanding

I can think of TWO reasons we incorrectly believe that empathy equals agreement.

ONE: In high stress situations, our emotions rise to the front without as much regulation. Often I find that my emotions get in the way of these four attributes of empathy.

I may be angry and therefore display that frustration or hold onto that anger so I do not suspend judgement. I may feel hurt myself and therefore hold back the vulnerability to communicate what I understand of the other person.

We must find a ways to regulate our emotions. Ed Batista describes humans as “leaky” in that our emotions cannot be fully held back but we must be able to regulate them. Meaning we need to ensure the emotion we are expressing fits the surrounding culture, give ourselves time sand space to recognize early signs of our emotions to begin processing that, and identify where those emotions rise from in order to ensure we display them appropriately.

TWO: We think if we truly listen to someone else, we may actually agree with them and we don’t want to feel the shame of changing our mind. If we allow ourselves to empathize, it could be psychologically dangerous for us. So we equate empathy and agreement to avoid empathy.

Brene Brown describes shame at one end of a continuum and the other end of the continuum is empathy.

We can step closer to empathy by showing vulnerability ourselves. By demonstrating vulnerability, we allow for processing of our emotions and thoughts. Of course this must be done with tact and with appropriate regulation as described above. When used well, vulnerability can make a tense moment move towards empathy on all sides. If we can’t move it towards empathy, it will naturally go towards shame and get us away from truer understanding and appreciation.

Don’t let shame be the deterrent from more truth and wholeness.

If we hope to be empathetic, we don’t have to agree. Empathy does not need agreement to exist. We can see through a person’s lens, be non-judgmental (and yet still be vulnerable and regulate our emotions), understand someone’s feelings, and find ways to communicate back to them what we understand, all without agreeing with what they say.

Inspired by this idea from Ed Batista’s Self Coaching FREE Webinar recordings and his post dissecting Accountability and Empathy.

A Journal is a Key Tool

Just like a hammer is necessary if you’re framing a house. A drill is necessary to do woodworking. A key is necessary for opening a door.

A journal is necessary to developing ourselves.

We can use the back of a screw driver to knock in a nail every once and a while but if we have to hit nails day after day, we’d better have a hammer.

We might act similarly using our memory as the screwdriver to temporarily drive home our own development. Nothing replaces the act of journaling.

Journaling or keeping a diary is a reminder that development is more than a 1 hour every month thing. It is ongoing and process you will partake in every day. It can help you measure growth and development. Journals help you remember what was said or what you thought about. It is a place for you to collaborate with yourself and think as if there were two of yourselves processing information.

Rhythm is important.

If you do not know where to start, begin with gratitude or what you are proud of for the day and let it grow from there. It doesn’t have to ever be perfect or complete, it just needs to be you. It never needs to be shared or explained or just needs to resonate with you.

Inspired by Austin Kleon’s thoughts on why he keeps a diary

Realizing We Are Wet

Ibram X. Kendi gave this beautiful image for understanding racism and the shame it can come with in our society while he was on Brene Brown’s Podcast.

Racism is a charged word but it doesn’t have to bring us shame.

Realizing our own racism is like realizing that it is constantly raining and we are soaking wet.

It feels so crummy to realize you’re wet but at the same time it makes a lot of sense. Immediately you look for an umbrella or run for safety but we must make sure we pick up the right umbrella and do what we can to point out the clouds that are raining on us.

Once we realize we’ve been running from realizing we are wet, we can’t stop but running towards making it stop raining.

Perceptions Chart

As we grow towards synergy and effective collaboration, we must realize and manage the perceptions others have of us.

If we hope to serve, collaborate, partner with, lead we need to be smart about managing perceptions. First we must be sure we are acting out of our own strengths and life theme but after we are certain we know who we are, we can work to manage perceptions of others.

At Carnival Group, we’ve created a chart to help our clients begin this process of noticing and tracking the perceptions of others. In addition to tracking, we must take action to bridge the gap of what the current perception someone has to how we hope for them to see us.

Feel free to copy the Google Doc link HERE to make your own edits or use this as a guide to begin uncovering how others perceive you to works towards a more synergistic collaboration with others!

The perceptions chart is a key aspect to Carnival Group’s coaching framework.

I’d love to help you more with coaching, don’t hesitate to reach out if any questions!

The Ideal Team Player

How can you be more effective with others?

What does it take to have a team that works seamlessly?

A team of individuals who are the best team players they can be. And of course technical abilities to solve the problems presented.

Patrick Lencioni’s iconic book on teams, The Five Dis-functions of a Team was followed up by him with The Ideal Team Player

I’ve recently prepared a discussion based training on The Ideal Team Player and am sharing it here.

Main Take Away: Humble, Hungry, and People Smarts are key to being an ideal team player and these can be developed in ourselves and those around us.

“Meta-messages”

Our responses, what we say, how we say it, how we react, matter to those we respond to.

They either build up and or tear down.

When someone shares something difficult, our response could urge them towards comfort or shame. Especially if someone shares something vulnerable or personal, our response can make a diffference.

We often will say or do something without considering the impact.

One way I remind myself of the impact is looking for the “meta-message” I am delivering.

-meta (as a prefix): denoting position behind, after, or beyond.

We might say “Everything will be okay.” The meta-message here is “You are overreacting.”

We don’t mean to say that but if someone were to internalize the message and reflect on what that means of them, they could turn to shame with it. We could participate in tearing them down.

Consider the meta-message you deliver. It matters.

I recently heard of this concept from Ed Batista in his Stanford MBA course which he recently made a webinar version available FOR FREE! I was inspired to share especially in the current movement of racial reconciliation and dismantling of racist systems in the US and around the world. Our words and responses matter even more in these critical times of change.

Evaluation Necessary

If we truly want to improve ourselves and grow, we must stop to evaluate our performance or pace of growth.

Sometimes we can get by with simply thinking of on our drive home or as we fall asleep but if we truly care about improving in an area, we should follow a path of evaluation.

That path can mold and change as it goes but I’m using the below questions to evaluate my effectiveness and performance after each coaching session or team development workshop I run. It will change within the next month but for now it’s useful.

Rate 1-5 (1 being poorly done, 5 being excellently done)

  1. I knew when we needed to stop and work on something specific, before we continued with the agenda I had planned?
  2. Did my client learn today? Was there an ‘aha’ moment?
  3. I was able to keep my client on track
  4. I was able to help my client produce truths and solutions
  5. I was at a loss for words
  6. Did I control the process or did the process control me?
  7. Did I conclude by summarizing the key points of the meeting and setting expectations for the next one?
  8. Did I give the client all I could?
  9. Did I talk too much?
  10. Free Form Question and rating: How well did I do? What could I have done differently?

These questions are my take on the Sherpa Guide: Process Driven Executive Coaching.

DiSC Workshop

We all have moments where we realize we could have responded, interacted, behaved more collaboratively. Often this retrospective realization does not happen quick enough for us to remedy the moment or maintain effective collaboration.

We also are quick to judge those who behave differently than our default.

It is our own responsibility to be aware of other’s tendencies, preferences, and needs. We must grow ourselves if we truly wish to interact more effectively.

The DiSC Workshop we’ve created in Carnival Group is intended to increase this ability of self and other awareness.

It is most effectively done in a team of people with a coach guiding you through but posting it here for anyone to use as a resource.

Let’s all take the responsibility to expand our self and other awareness and learn to adapt to and appreciate other’s collaboration styles.

We are running this workshop in person with a client this week and are excited to look for other ways to offer this workshop. Check out more at carnivalgrp.com/disc

“If it bleeds it leads…”

“We become exactly like the nightly local-news shows — if it bleeds, it leads — and our stories center on violent Black bodies instead of the overwhelmingly majority of nonviolent Black bodies.” – Ibram X. Kendi in How to be an Antiracist

My neighborhood has experienced violence occasionally, in the last 2 years we’ve lived here. We had a string of drive by shootings down the street directed at a single home but that has since stopped.

Even though my evening conversations with neighbors while securely walking my dogs, sharing ice cream with the kids across the street, laughing with friends in our home with windows wide open, stopping my car to chat with a neighbor after they wave when I drive by, superbly out weigh, the one time I watched from my home office as a young Black man stuck his body out a moving car to fire a dark, heavy pistol 6 times into my neighbors home…When a not so close friend cautiously asks, “Do you feel safe in your neighborhood?”, knowing it is because my neighborhood is mostly Black, I can’t help but think of that fear gathering moment.

I do feel safe in my neighborhood. As a white man it takes a lot for me not to feel safe. That is my privilege which I irreverently subconsciously and consciously try to protect.

I must separate that individual and their violent act from other Black bodies.

I am comfortable separating that violent act from my neighborhood when my friend questions the comfort and safety of my neighborhood. I quickly say “We’ve had some crime in our neighborhood but it’s always targeted and never been anything we’ve directly experienced…” I remove the act from our neighborhood as a whole and I believe it.

Black bodies must also not hold the weight of the individual acts of violence we see, hear about, or experience.

I will do the work to free Black bodies from the oppressive racist assumption that they are more dangerous than a White body. I will confront those thoughts as they arise. Process them with trusted friends. Observe the impact of those thoughts when they escape my head into my actions. And work to advocate for policies and laws that stand for the freedom of Black bodies.

Black Lives Matter.

I am continually learning and making mistakes as I write and process my own racism and work towards an anti-racist life and position. Feel free to contact me if anything I have written carries racism or oppression. I will work to change that. hassman.phil@gmail.com