Problem: has a solution. Can be solved. Requires brainstorming, problem solving, strategy.
Situation: how it is. Not solvable right now. Requires empathy, recognition, acceptance.
Sometimes we think we have problems but actually have situations. Maybe we can tell if it’s a problem by considering if we are willing to hear advice or not. If not, it’s likely a situation and we need to treat it like one.
Maybe someone will come to you with a “problem” but it’s actually a situation. Recognize it and respond appropriately.
Inspired by Seth Godin’s Akimbo podcast below where he explains this concept in more detail.
As we transition our career or move into a new role or start a new business I find a few necessities as we round these corners in life.
ONE: RELATIONSHIPS We need to have sustainable self-fulfilling people and community around us. This is not necessarily about your business but it is especially about you. Co-workers, family, friends, peers, mentors. Support and bedrock.
TWO: A PRODUCT Must be robust and of quality. It needs to fill a need in the a world around you. Ultimately it should be something that connects to the best of you. Needs to be clear yet must be designed with nimble flexibility. Ready to mold as you change, the world changes, the product changes.
THREE: AN ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY A viable audience or a group who value the product and generate financing for it. Maybe they buy the product or service or maybe they lead to an economic opportunity. Stretch your expectations and thoughts here. You should be specific as well as continually asking (and not necessarily changing but simply asking) “Who’s not here?”
It’s best to begin the new venture if you have at least TWO of the THREE.
Personally I’d want to be sure RELATIONSHIPS is ONE of my TWO. They are needed for sustainability.
A good PRODUCT will beget AN ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY. A bedrock of effective RELATIONSHIPS yield a market. AN ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY can lead to a quality PRODUCT.
TWO of THREE will ensure the THIRD will come.
Because RELATIONSHIPS take intentionality, sacrifice, and love to gain, you ought to have those before you begin or be willing to slow down and sacrifice to build them as you go. Or else you may burnout and blow up.
What are you doing to figure out what you don’t know?
Are you insulated in a bubble that only tells you things you do know?
You can be even more fully yourself if you open yourself up to find out what you don’t know and grow from it.
I’m seeing that my friends matter in this. They must be people who challenge me and help me see the world anew.
My family can be this but yet often these relationship are insulating…they should be and they should be restful places. At times I get a good does of reminder of what I don’t know here.
Professional settings should be diverse enough and open enough that we are regularly challenged with our perception. Often though we don’t do this to ensure we don’t rock the boat. Maybe you’re keeping people from pointing what you don’t know here protecting yourself and being closed for input.
Coaching for me is a place where I’m reminded of what I don’t know. A third party who is an advocate for me but also an advocate for the better part of me. The part I don’t see or the insight I’m not aware of.
As we generate ideas, form phrases to guide us, articulate the narratives we choose, we can benefit from a process to generate those ideas or phrases.
Here is a recommendation on how to clarify a current narrative and an ideal narrative when you realize the story you’re being told isn’t getting you what you want. This may be a story you’re telling yourself about who you are, a story you’re being told by those around you about the work you do, a story being told to you about a specific relationship.
We live out of these narratives. They carry weight. Be sure you choose the right stories to live into.
During this process we want to recognize the 4 personas that can arise (Madman, Architect, Carpenter, Judge). We want to let the Madman run free in the widening and allow the Architect and Carpenter to do their job in the narrowing. The Judge is only brought in after we have a draft to truly polish. Don’t let the Judge stop you from beginning or diving in deep.
If you are using this to develop a mission statement, life theme, or similar, do this through once as it is. If you’re doing this to clarify a narrative do it twice. Once for the current narrative and once for the ideal narrative.
We will flip between widening (gaining ideas, spreading out the circle) and narrowing (picking specific ideas, and closing in the circle).
What you need to begin:
Timer (I just use my iPhone timer)
Pen/pencil
Notebook or several full pieces of paper
Stack of note cards or 2×4 inch pieces of cut paper
Widen: Set a timer for 5 minutes. On a piece of full paper or in journal, list out all the words/phrases that come to mind when you think of the topic (narrative, mission statement, theme). No wrong answers here. Let the madman run free.
Narrow: Set a timer for 3 minutes. On separate note cards, rewrite 6 of the words or phrases from your list. Pick only 6 (Don’t worry, we will come back to your big list later)
Widen: Set a timer for 1 minute. Set the six note cards out where you can see all of them. For a minute, turn over one of the cards and write all that you can about that word or phrase to deepen it. When that 1 minute is up, move to the second card and do the same for a minute. Repeat until you’ve spent 1 minute on all 6 cards.
Narrow: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Go through the 6 cards and make a new card for any words or phrases that stick out. Even if its repeating the same word, re-write it on a new card. You will discard the original 6 cards and go forward with as many as you generate here. Ideally combining the cards into more succinct and narrow phrases/words.
(Optional) Widen: Set a timer for 3 minutes. Go back to your original list and add any words or phrases not represented in your current set of cards which resonate with you. Make a new card for each idea you want to resurrect from the original list.
(Optional) Narrow: Set a timer for 1 minute. Set out 6 blank cards in front of you. Spend 1 minute per card clarifying and refining any of the ideas you’ve previously gathered. Do not look at the other cards you’ve been using. Simply write for 1 minute on a card about a single idea as you remember it. After the minute, immediately move to the next card and spend a minute writing about a new idea you remember. Do this for all 6 blank cards.
Widen: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Pick 1-3 of the cards from previously and write continuously about those specific ideas on a piece of paper. Write constantly until the timer runs out. If you don’t have anything to write, simply write about why you don’t have anything to write. Don’t stop writing until the 5 minutes is up.
Narrowing: Try to pick 1-3 phrases or words that capture the narrative. At this point, do your best to piece together a phrase to use even if it’s just a draft. Bring this draft to a coach or trusted person to think through it and claim a final theme, statement, narrative
Remember this is all about clarifying a complex idea or concept. You may not come to a perfect definition or phrasing and that’s fine. Move forward with it and continue to refine as a you go.
My default is to suppress and minimize my own emotions. They may get in the way of my reasoning. I don’t want to seem unreasonable.
But in reality skirting our emotions can be the thing that makes us unreasonable. Our emotions are there for a reason. They are there as attention magnets, to help us notice things. To point out where we might need to focus.
We do need to ensure to manage our emotions but we cannot get used to suppressing them.
Emotion assists with reasoning.
At times we may find it easy to notice and actualize our emotions. Put words or images to our emotions and know what to do with them.
Other times we may miss them entirely. If you sense there is emotion present but you cannot recall it to the front of your head, try to simply scan your body.
Scan your body inside and out. Take note what is there. Wonder what the emotion behind that noticing is.
Allow emotion to assist in your reasoning process.
Meditation or other mindfulness practices seem daunting. How can you quiet your entire mind!? I don’t have time to sit in silence!?
Each morning I make space for 5 minutes of meditation and it is a habit I cherish each day as a workout to increase my mindfulness.
Mindfulness helps us create an internal environment suitable for high effective work and living. Helps us regulate our emotions, build resiliency, increase our ability to focus, make us more aware of subtleties around us…
Meditation is a workout. It might even feel stressful at times. That’s the point!
While meditating we should improve our awareness and focus. We focus on a specific object (breathing, phrase…), notice when we lose focus, release that loss of focus, and gravitate back to original object of focus. It’s a workout!
Here’s a simple start to building your own mindfulness practice:
Set a timer for 5 minutes (or more)
Get comfortable sitting. Close your eyes or keep them slightly open.
Bring your attention to your breath. If helpful count each in and our breath and focus on the breathing or counting.
As you gain focus on breathing, lift your focus to what you’re thinking about. Think of it like watching cars move through a four way stop. Acknowledge those thoughts and consider how you feel about them. Notice those feeling and thoughts as if they are moving through the intersection and outside of yourself.
When you want to release a thought, simply imagine yourself blowing a bubble and release the thought and emotions as if they were a bubble floating away. If they come back, let them sit and then release them again.
Bring your attention back to your breath as needed and as your focus gets too busy.
Repeat the cycle.
The goal is to have a mental workout. Help your mind grow in its ability to be simultaneously aware and focuses.
This is true with mountain biking. As you approach an obstacle, if you focus on the obstacle, you’ll surely hit it head on. If you instead look past it at where you hope to, you’ll find the best route around it, through it, or over it.
Our attention drives the results we get because it drives what we focus. We must set up ourselves to have attention on the best things:
Set our environment/rhythm/structure to direct our attention well. Austin Kleon talks about finding a Bliss Station.
2. Set ourselves up to regulate our emotions (Not control or minimize but regulate). For me, this is mindfulness exercises, keeping a journal, getting proper sleep, eating and drinking well, and making room for regular exercise. Ed Batista says our emotions are attention magnets. Our feelings will draw our attention quickly and readily. They are designed to do this. We shouldn’t try to control this but instead consider how to regulate and build in space and time to process and consider these emotions.
3. Build narratives which honor where we are going. The stories we tell ourselves guide our attention and build out the life we will lead. Ensuring we question the narratives we hear and state keeps this in check. We need an overall narrative that can overpower those minor, negative stories as they arise. This is where a Life Theme comes in. When we claim who we are and where we are going, we squash those other narratives. Of course we claim it as if it’ll be true forever but know that it will change and build in re-evaluation.
4. The comparison of others will steal away our attention. We can’t turn this off but we must keep it in check. There are platforms engineered to draw us into social comparisons. Keep it in check.
A lot of this requires slowness to be built into our lives. We can’t add it all at once. Start with mindfulness practices. Then take on a journal practice. Then build out a Life Theme. Then design a work setting or daily routine that sets you up well. Then quit those social comparison habits not serving you well.
In the end, know that attention is what will help you be who you want to be and it also could pull you away from who you want to be.
phil invites 