Our responses, what we say, how we say it, how we react, matter to those we respond to.

They either build up and or tear down.

When someone shares something difficult, our response could urge them towards comfort or shame. Especially if someone shares something vulnerable or personal, our response can make a diffference.

We often will say or do something without considering the impact.

One way I remind myself of the impact is looking for the “meta-message” I am delivering.

-meta (as a prefix): denoting position behind, after, or beyond.

We might say “Everything will be okay.” The meta-message here is “You are overreacting.”

We don’t mean to say that but if someone were to internalize the message and reflect on what that means of them, they could turn to shame with it. We could participate in tearing them down.

Consider the meta-message you deliver. It matters.

I recently heard of this concept from Ed Batista in his Stanford MBA course which he recently made a webinar version available FOR FREE! I was inspired to share especially in the current movement of racial reconciliation and dismantling of racist systems in the US and around the world. Our words and responses matter even more in these critical times of change.